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CUNNI-LINGUINE

Pasta schmasta.  The Italians were on to something akin to the inventing the wheel when they gave the world pasta.   Pasta dishes can walk a fine line between outstanding and a sorry excuse for food....

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SU-SWEATY BALLS-O-YAY! (spaghetti bolognese)

This hearty Italian classic will make anyone sing falsetto. Ave Maria, baby! “Ave Maria!” you sing from the plaza of the Italian village.  Your intended conquest comes out onto the balcony to gaze down...

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GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD

You garlic going on, you sexy thing, you! No pasta dish is truly complete without garlic bread.  It’s like getting down without your lover going down on you.  Sure the job gets done, but there’s always...

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ROGER HER VODKA PENNE

This Italian mafia recipe will never sleep with the fishes.  This vodka penne is “a friend of mine” because it’s tasty and easy to prepare.  The only thing getting whacked is the pig used to make the...

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LET MY LEMON CHICKEN PASTA GO!

Yeah, you heard me!  Take your hands off my chicken breasts and amscray!  You don’t see me walking around all cavalier and fondling other people’s breasts.  What?  Well that was consensual! Very very...

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SO READY TO MEAT MY BALLS

Behold these sexy balls o’ mine!  Why are you acting so shocked?  My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble.  Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic...

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SALMON GRILLS AND PASTA THRILLS

Some naysayers will claim that salmon is a boring fish to eat.  So predictable, so typical, so uninspired. You have my permission to give them an atomic wedgie for believing they think outside of the...

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KETCHUP SEX PASTA

It’s always a trip banging someone you haven’t seen in a long while.  The experience seems so foreign, yet so familiar. You remember their curves, their scent, and that thing they do with their tongue....

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SUN-DRIED SEX APPEAL PASTA

All that time in the sun will do one of two things: in youth, it makes you look hotter and more desirable; but as the years wear on, all that sunlight can reduce your body to a leather handbag.  I have...

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RAINBOW CHARD ON LINGUINE

Nothing gives me a chubby like an aesthetically pleasing plate of food. Not only does it satisfy the hunger pangs, but the emotionally pangs as well. Mark my words, nothing inspires sexy time dessert...

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